Resolutions are for Ass-monkeys.

I have recently come to the conclusion that New Year's resolutions are (that's right, you guessed it!) for ass-monkeys.

So what does that make me? Yeah, okay...

But that's Mr. ASS-MONKEY to you!

Disturbing Side Note: I googled (yes, google, damnit! Please, no search engine
snobs.) "Ass-monkey" and came up with a wide variety of images. Here's a
sampling:

Who knew?

Antidisestablishmentarianism

Okay, so I have this natural distrust of anything authoritative. Anybody with power over me is someone to be watched.

War is Peace.

That's what democracy is all about, right? You get to question leadership and leadership decisions, especially when the ol' propaganda machine cranks up and we are force fed a bunch of jingoist bullshit. Ahem. (Or should it be "Amen?")

"War is Peace." I think that one came from 1984. Whereby the masses get hoodwinked into - well, just read the book and you can draw the parallels between that conception and our reality. That and Brave New World. Anyway...

People to be watched out for include:

Police
Elected Officials
Rich People
Any Large Organization, but especially:

• Banks
• Insurance Companies
• The DMV

(Okay, I don't know if the DMV really belongs with the other two, but let's face it, everyone likes to bitch about the DMV, so why not?)

So why am I distrustful of these people and/or organizations (DMV notwithstanding)?

Because they wield power. Very real power over my life. For instance, if a cop pulls decides to screw me over, he or she can do that.

(to be continued)

Looking at life thru chiaruscuro colored glasses

Life in the Fast Lane - Part 2

Words, words, words!

Ugh!

All these universes living in my mind, and yet, when I speak to you on the phone, all I can say is, "er, uh, um."

Fuck!

"Let us go then, you and I..." and yes, let's!

Let us go and stuff
our mouths with magic,
glistening eyes with light
and warp and woof
our way into the fugue,

Dance and dwell in the tapestry
til the sky tears open.

You know what, fuck all this. Here's what I want:

You with me. Or me with you - who cares, really? But the two of us together, moving towards something. That's what I want.

Let us go. Let us go.

Let us go.

Yes?

"Happy Freakin' New Year!"

1. I would've entitled this article "Happy Fucking New Year" but I detest vulgarity.

THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE IS TRUE.

THE PREVIOUS SENTENCE IS FALSE.

2. These are my Uncle Bob's Dogs. If you think the holidays make you unhappy, just remember, it could be worse. You could be wearing a little Santa's outfit.

And, finally...

3. There is no "3".

Happy Holidays!

Piece of Mind

A friend, M, emailed me the following new year's credo:

"Peace of mind is better than piece of ass."

To which I replied, "but both in congress!" (Okay, I didn't really use the word "congress", but it's a nifty word, particularly in this context... not to mention a somewhat ironical subtext, now that I think of it. But, I obfuscate...)

(Did I mention that I am listening to Utah Phillips while writing this? Its interesting, really, to surf on the wash of his words while trying to maintain some semblance of my own literary identity.)

So I was talking with M, the sender of the thing. We'd just come out of the Bikini Lounge, a nice little hole in the wall joint (the bartender there a deliciously malicious little bruja of a woman, thick and squatty, with a raspy Janice Joplin voice) and M and I we're talking in the parking lot.

I was saying how I was becoming less and less involved in my own life - but in a good way - how I'd learned to simply get out of the way, remove myself from the equation and just let things happen.

She chimed in and we talked about all the different ways you can get out of or into your own way.

Sex can be like that. Or shooting a basketball. Or even dying, really.

Not so long ago I believed all deaths, in particular my own, were tragic, and, if possible, to be avoided. However, after practising enough "getting out of my own way" in day-to-day life, I've finally come to believe in my own non-existence.

So instead of "just do it!" I say, "just let it happen." (Yes, this sounds trite, but just go with it for now... hey! "go with it!" maybe that's the saying. Anyway...)

Of course the same can be said of relationships. But to combine "peace of mind" and "piece of ass" - now that truly is the sounds of one hand clapping!