As the light fades

I went back in time this a.m., pouring through this blog to find an old poem.

Didn't find it at first, then got distracted looking at old pictures, and snippets of articles past.

Made my heart swell a bit, to see who I was, who we were, and I write this out of... what exactly, I don't know.

Longing, perhaps? For a different place and time.

(beat)

I wrestle each day, with acceptance of who I am, while at the same time, trying to be a better person.

I fail and I succeed, advance and recede, like the tide.

And my heart swells.

I am reminded of a line from Shawshank Redemption, which sounds trite, but there are some gems there.

The one I'm thinking of now is spoken by Morgan Freeman after Tim Robbins escapes. He talks about the grayness of life, after his friend has left.

Am I so different from then?

Yes and no.

The thrill of sharpened knives - thrown into the air and falling like rain, only to be caught and hurled up again - no longer hold the appeal they once did.

(beat)

And yet.

And yet, and yet, and yet.

The glint and glitter of knives dancing on air, my eyes a-gleam, lips curled up, and blood surging forward;

I will not forget,

Even as the light fades...

(exhalation)