Control

The older I get the more I know.
But, the more I know, the harder it is to encapsulate.

Sometimes it's easier to just let go and see what manifests:

I remember blurting out once, some ten years ago, "Longhair, Longhair! Here's something for ya!"

Having partaken of a spliff earlier in the evening, I was suddenly inspired to undulate my lips, left to right, pulling my face along an invisible plane in pseudo-mime-like* fashion. The overall effect was supposed to be that of a snail transporting its shell.

*Hey, there's a word, "pseudo-mime-like fashion"!? Cool, hunh? No? You don't like it? Well, this is my blog so yo can pretty much piss off!

Then, half-way through my half-baked performance, I realized I was moving my head in the wrong direction... and burst into laughter. Longhair, who had no idea what I was doing in the first place, stared on incredulously, which made me laugh even harder.

Finally, after witnessing my mania for a good 30 seconds or so, he broke down, and we both ended up rolling around on the floor.

And that's the truth even if its not the way things happened.*
But where was I? Ah, yes - talking about letting go...

The thing about letting go - its scary.

"What are you talking about, man? Letting go is the easiest thing in the world."

Is it?

I remember hanging with M in the Counter Culture Cafe and the sign over the door said, "deep in your mind, deep in your soul, let it go." Which sounded so dreamy.

Sidenote: I've been thinking about getting a tattoo, lately. Yeah, I know, it sounds like a pathetic attempt at recapturing youth (lord knows I can't afford the sports car), plus everyone and their brother has a tattoo these days, blah blah blah, but if you don't like it, no problem, you can go f*ck yourself! (ahem) So, anyway, the image I've been contemplating is a fairly complex himalayan mandala, known as the "Wheel of Life". Its cool, its intricate, and its a reminder of the illusion of life. Again, blah blah blah, but again, if you don't like it... (you can fill in the blank).

But letting go can also mean relinquishing control. Imagine yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile** just letting go. Sure, it might work out okay in the driveway, but maybe not so much on the 'ol Autobahn.

Now, if the car scenario seems iffy, try visualizing your own life in the same manner. There's you (or what used to formerly be you, because you've given up the pre-concieved notion of your own identity. Maybe your the artist formerly known as*** you?). You've finally "let go" (hooray!)... and now you find yourself careening down the highway of life.

Sure, this all sounds a bit contrived, but I'm heading somewhere (at least I think I am) so hang with me a little bit longer. Your patience will be rewarded. I swear.

Just not today.

*This is a quote from one of my all time favorite books, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" - at least I think it is.
**Yet another pop culture reference. Give up? The Talking Heads! Yea!*
***Okay, I know, this is getting a little ridiculous, but its hard to stop once you've gained momentum. And yes, the reference is to Prince.