Monday, October 01, 2007

Survival of the Fittest

I recently read this online on another blog entry and found it rather amusing. Thought I'd share it:

Survival Of The Fittest

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Date: 2007-08-30, 2:03PM EDT


Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

2 comments:

  1. Dude,

    I'm not sure what the exact ettiquette is here but we should probably give credit to the original source on this one. Maybe post a link or at least give the web address?

    Just a thought.

    The other dude.

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  2. if someone calls, emails or serves me papers, i'll dig up the origin of this and make sure credit is given. as for now, all you people reading this, it was forwarded to me, by a friend, who found it on Craigslist evidently.
    if anyone cares.

    ReplyDelete