Faint Damnation

After flailing around last week for over an hour trying to synch Netflix with my antiquated Mac, I finally caved and downloaded a movie from iTunes.

Screw all the interesting choices that could've been, I thought, let's just go Hollywood and cocoon myself in mind-numbingly mainstream cinema.

I then downloaded "Constantine" with Keanu Reeves.

(pause)

What's that you say? Pay money to watch Keanu act? I know, I know. But in truth...

I liked it.

Yeah, yeah, I know what my father's going to say, and no, Dad, there aren't any pods in my basement, the moonies haven't gotten me and I haven't drunk any kool-aid. Okay?

True, Keanu's style is generally stilted - with flat, affected line delivery and physical movement better suited to a cardboard cutout (I don't think his head turns, for instance, independent of his shoulders) however... in the case of a comic book adaptation?

Flame On!*

Or should I say, "ex-cellent!"?

Left handed compliment? Maybe so.

But as my very own father has been known to say "less is more;" and while Keanu's skill set may be lacking... there are times when it simply plays.

Uh, "Point Break" for instance. And maybe you've heard of a little move called... "The Matrix"?

'Course he doesn't get many lines in the latter, but he sure can bend a spoon! Meanwhile...

And yeah, it's true I purchased this movie and have now watched it 32 times in a row - can quote it in my sleep - and have attained enlightenment in regards to all things Keanu... Keanu... Keanu...

What? Hunh!?

It's as if I've awakened from some horrible nightmare only to remember that...

Oh, yeah.

"Constantine" with Keanu Reeves.

See it.

(pause)

Unless you're my dad.

Then not.

*And no, this is not a gay reference**, it's from the Fantastic Four. "Flame On!" is the command Johnny Storm would use to transform into the Human Torch. Duh.
**On the other hand they did all wear powder-blue spandex and were consistently "fantastic!" Hmmm.