Saturday, June 07, 2014

Indecent Proposal - Part 2 - An open letter...

(to the person responding to my previous post)

I believe it was James Brown who said it best when he said:

"Well, well, well."

(or was that John Lee Hooker? Anywho…)

Truth is you really don't have all the facts. Which is in part my own fault. I wrote an oversimplified version of what happened for numerous reasons, including:

1. Brevity (less is more, after all)
2. I was still pretty hurt and angry that next morning - and yeah, a little hung over at the time.
3. Felt like I had been marginalized and wanted to return the favor, sh*tty though that may be.
4. And finally, I didn't fee like dredging up a lot of personal history, starting with the fact that I actually knew the guy - that he wasn't just some "gay dude" but someone I'd known -and- liked some 5 years previous - but mostly because he was a friend of my ex-girlfriend, and he was acting on misinformation she'd disseminated after a bad break up.

(blah blah blah - here's where it get's a bit wordy, and maybe a skosh whiney, so bear with me)

Her smear campaign had included my giving her 3 STD's and beating both her and the cat (once in a drunken stupor she told someone I'd beaten her "with the cat," which was probably just a grammatical error, but did evoke the image of someone grabbing a cat by its hind legs, swinging it like a rubber chicken, and with every ensuing whack a little kitty "meow' being produced. Add to this, that I was gay, and liked it up the *ss.

Bravo, my dear, for your creativity.

The closest thing to the truth? I did once throw a t-shirt, very forcefully, at our cat when he'd continually meowed and kept me up for the third sleepless night in a row. And I'm not proud of that sleep deprived moment, but there it is.

But that's it.

So when the aforementioned man, let's call him K, told me he "knew" I was gay… actually let's back it up for a second.

I don't blame K for acting on her misinformation. Didn't at the time. Was faintly (albeit wearily) amused that such rumors were still being circulated.

So why did I subsequently get upset?

Because he then -intentionally- deceived and hurt the woman I love. Someone to whom, 30 minutes previous, I'd just proposed, btw.

She, unfortunately, was not amused by the story, and before I'd realized, had approached him to set the record straight.

He not only told her I was gay (fine, whatever) but then insisted I was the one who asked him into the bathroom. That I'd solicited sexual favors.

Not the act of a sh*tty person?

And regarding the alleged shove (a brief anecdote):

When I originally ready your post, I was pretty upset, and wrote a response (for about an hour and half) including an apology for a shove I didn't remember.

Then, like an idiot, I accidentally deleted the whole thing. Nearly lost my mind in the process. But then I just had to let it go and get on with my day.

Later that same day, LB, my girl, read your comment and said to me, "I didn't see you push him - and I was watching you the whole time." And I hadn't yet broached the topic with her. So that was interesting.

Here's what I do remember:

After he'd intentionally and maliciously lied - I didn't approach him - just told her I was ready to be done with it, and we left.

Then as we walked -outside- the club, unlocking our bikes, he happened to follow us out (could've been a coincidence I suppose) and I asked him why he was being so sh*tty.

He walked back over to me, placed his face inches from mine, and asked, "so why are you still here?"

At which point I became infuriated, and started yelling as loud I could, "because I want you to tell the TRUTH!"

Then I kept yelling over and over, "why don't you just tell the TRUTH! Why don't you tell the TRUTH!"

And yeah it was probably pretty scary for those around. Maybe weird and uncomfortable and looked as if I might resort to violence.

But I didn't.

I did get really angry, cause an embarrassing scene, and yeah, ask for the truth.

The worst part for me? I love the gays! I mean, really, people who are stereotyped as sensitive, articulate, and creative? We should all be so lucky. And for crissakes, I did theater 10 years. You think I cleverly hid my homophobia all that time and it's suddenly reared it's ugly head? Gimme a break.

So whatever. I get it. A straight man can't get mad at a gay man for acting like an *sshole. Especially in a gay bar.

But what if it was just one person getting mad at another person?

Maybe we should just drop the labels.

And the assumptions.

P.S. it occurs to me I left something out which could be misconstrued. When I first saw K, earlier in the evening, I was truly delighted to see him after a 5 year hiatus. I gave him a hug and complimented him; said how good he looked - how we was charming & talented and a bunch of other crap I don't remember.

I greeted him as a friend.

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do. 


  1. Karen McB8:15 PM

    "Someone to whom, 30 minutes previous, I'd just proposed, btw" Ummm, could you write more about this, please?

  2. That, dear reader, will be an entirely different blog post. But yes, details will be forthcoming...

  3. Anonymous3:58 PM

    Remember how you always got a chubby when you wrestled with the other little boys?

  4. Karen McB5:43 PM

    Can I just say I love your dad?