GET POSTED ON MY BLOG! - its that easy.
Here's how:
SEND NAKED PHOTOS OF YOURSELF - Vulnerable or embarassing photos are best. (Ever notice how similar "bare ass" and "embarass" sound?) Of course, women are preferred but men may also participate so long as their hoo-hah is no bigger than mine. (Dad, this means you!)
If it is bigger than mine, your chances for publication are extremely thin... (wait a minute! If I post a picture of someone with a really big wanger, then people will think that I have an even bigger one... I'm a goddamn genius!). So, yeah, send whatever you got and so long as it doesn't dwarf Mr. Hanky by comparison, I'll publish it.
On the other hand, if you're a woman and would like to send me naked photos, chances are very high that they'll be accepted. After all, you'd be naked! Woohoo! (And, yes, in case you're wondering, I am a pencil necked geek) . So just send 'em - all you hot ladies out there - send 'em along and I'll post 'em.
That is, of course, unless you don't want me to post them. In which case I won't. Honest.
On the other hand, if you're not sure what to do, you could always send me the naked pictures and let me decide.
Just don't forget the pictures!
(Moving along...)
WRITE SOMETHING INTERESTING ABOUT YOURSELF - Anything. It could be true. It could be a lie. Tawdry, bawdy, urbane, witty - I don't give a shit, just, please god, let it be interesting!
Sidenote: If you're not sure what "interesting" is, please stop reading, turn off your computer, turn on your TV and plug yourself in.
(Don't know how to quite literally plug in? No problem: your belly button is actually the access port to an inverted-umbilical-cord-thingy, which, if properly stimulated, can be pulled out and connected to the TV. Simply insert a moistened index finger up your anus while singing the "Star Spangled Banner" through your nose [using the words "neener, neener, neener" for articulation] and your belly button should pop out like the little doohickey on a cooked turkey. Away you go!)
WAIT... NO, I HAVE IT! Don't write something interesting - send me a naked photo of yourself and then explain why I shouldn't publish it.
How's that for non-linear thinking? Ask not,"what is the sound of one hand clapping?", but "why shouldn't my nude photos be shown online?" A zen koan for the 21st century.
And if don't know how to send me your pictures - its still no problem! - I will contact you and get your information, directly. Simply send your thoughts to me, taking care to articulate your contact information and nudish-ness (yes, its a word!) and the rest will be taken care of.
Long life and happiness,
Baba-Wan
Spiritual Internet Sex Guru Guy.
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