Life in the Fast Lane

Just got back from hangin' with my buddy, "T", in L.A. and a loverly time was had by all.

Flew into Burbank Friday night, met up with T and his girlfriend, and we headed out for places unkown. What places, you ask?

First it was Starbucks - yes, evil Starbucks - but after a week of working for the man I was feeling a bit drag-ass and needed to power up! Besides, Caffeine, Nicotene, and Alcohol(ene) ... well, sometimes they just do the trick.

Next was mexican food at Los Something-Or-Other. But the kitchen was closed by the time we got there so we ended up at this awesome little Taco Stand, instead. Man, was it good! Nobody spoke a word of english and I felt like a complete dumbass - but the food was so-o-o-o-o worth it. Cheap too! And my friends were highly amused by my attempts at communication (including pantomime and loud, pseudo-spanish.)

Next came Sunset Strip, though we ended up pretty far west, which, in Hollywood, (if you know anything about Hollywood), means one thing: GAY! Yes, that's right, we did the gay dance club scene. And a fun time was had by all...

(cue dance music)

I don't remember the name of the place we went but it was jokingly referred to as "Club Man Ass" - which, after you see enough guy's asses hanging out of their jeans, seems more apt and less humorous than initially supposed.

So there we were, me, T and his girlfriend: a heterosexual couple that was so obviously together - and myself, a single guy dancing at a gay man's club.

Did I mention that I'm straight?

And while I'm not in the shape that I once was (who is?) I am still a tall white boy that loves to dance. (Not that I'm claiming to be a good dancer, you understand, but I am very enthusiastic and definitely visible during my flailings). So while it was flattering to be noticed I was doing my damndest not to "notice" being noticed, if you know what I mean.

Eventually, of course, I loosened up and got into the ol' bump and grind - even ended up as the ham in a man sandwhich towards the end of the evening. When in Rome, right?

(music stops, abruptly)

Yes, I'm kidding.

(recue music)

The absolute highlight of the evening had to be T taking a crap in the men's room. First off, the door wouldn't shut properly, so T had me "stand guard" and hold the door closed while he took care of business. Meanwhile, the bouncers are coming in every 2 seconds because they think he and I are trying to "get physical". (Sing it, Olivia!)

Then he runs out of toilet paper, and, when I go into the stall next to his, a guy follows me in and starts telling me how hot I am. You know how you never have the right thing to say, on tap, in an unexpected situation? Later, it comes to you, only five minutes too late? This was, thankfully, not one of those...

My father says, "even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then."

"Sorry dude," I said, "but I'm with him," pointing to T's stall. And then we vacated the premises.

In all fairness, I should mention the guy was cool - not gross or overly aggressive - and he handled my rejection with grace. In fact most of the men there friendly but polite, and, for the most part, I felt completely at ease. This is something that regular bars could use more of.

More later.