To Any Who've Felt The Same..

(Written several months ago. Posted today)

I've come to a few conclusions. But I’m really just jealous.

One, the fear of the unknown is what keeps smart people under higher management's collective thumbs. I've read articles of people living on the streets or in the projects that became huge successes and multimillionaires. What gives? I sit and wonder what it is about these people that enabled them to achieve what they've achieved. What was the driving force and the confidence that goaded them into success?

Two, someone paved the way for many of these clowns with money so why not ride the coattails of a relative to success? Make money the old-fashioned way - inherit it.

Three, I believe I am smarter than any of these jackasses yet held at bay by my own inadequacies, fear, lack of confidence and the inability to keep my mind focused on a simple task at hand. Most of the time out of sheer boredom.

This came to me a moment ago when the main principle of our firm called me over to his office to discuss this project he wants my help with. As I left his office I rounded the corner of the staircase and stared blankly and defeatedly at the run of steps descending below me and it was an all-to-realization of what I feared I would become; an autocad bitch.

What I do is nothing short of data entry. What my brain is, is becoming is mush. What my emotions are becoming is another story altogether.
Hate.
Anger.
Jealousy.
Envy.
Apply the majority of the 7 deadly sins here: __________________________.

So what now?

Honestly, I can't say and don't know. I'll bitch, complain, whine, moan and throw my hands up in disgust at my position in life and how I feel sorry for myself. I'll realize what's inside of me that very few others understand and then get lectured by some lackey about how I should be thankful for what I have.

Dear Lackey - I got it. You clearly don't.

What some don't get is what goes on inside my noodle and the gifts I was bestowed with. A fairly terrible existence to be sure. If you think about it, most people excel in a few certain things in their life. Not me. I excel at nothing yet accomplish things easily. Life bores me but I'm literally the boy in the bubble, trapped with only myself to have fun with while begging for understanding and chances.

But no.

How selfish is it that we're born and have no choice over the matter?

Some people shake their heads at this theory. The theory of the selfish acts of the mom and dad. Boyfriend and girlfriend, with little regard for what the combinations of themselves is going to produce. I don't need a lecture on odds, I get that too. I also get the good in life and people can tell me all they want how good I've got it and that I should be thankful I'm not living in some third world country. I understand, and I am thankful I live in America where numbskulls, more than anywhere in the world can excel in life simply by surrounding themselves with the really smart people of the world. Or become bad actors and make millions, all the while smiley glad-handing their merry ways to their 8,000 s.f. homes with pools, dune buggies and maid service.

To listen to these people complain about anything makes my stomach turn. It was like watching the behind-the-scenes making of "The Passion of the Christ" and showing Mel Gibson getting bent out of shape because the people in the movie, that don't understand english, didn't get what he was trying to tell them to do.If I could have transported myself anywhere on earth to any place in time it would have been right then and right there and I would have beamed down in front of Mel and punched him in the mouth, then lectured him on how impossible it is for us to relate to what he was having a bad day about based solely on his financial position on the planet. Not to mention his freedoms.

Standing at the stairs looking down I realized I cannot do this any longer, but then I can't really do much else at the moment. What a terrible place to live in.

But it’s slowly getting better. Or maybe I’m just becoming more apathetic.