1. I would've entitled this article "Happy Fucking New Year" but I detest vulgarity.
THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE IS TRUE.
THE PREVIOUS SENTENCE IS FALSE.
2. These are my Uncle Bob's Dogs. If you think the holidays make you unhappy, just remember, it could be worse. You could be wearing a little Santa's outfit.
And, finally...
3. There is no "3".
Happy Holidays!
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